Reflecting on my first month as a marketing manager

The scoop: My company has been merged with the parent company. The company is now dissolved into a single product as part of the larger technology group. On one hand, it was great because I got to stay with the company and got put into a new role with a new title. But what was it really like?

There was a lot of meetings, more than I’ve ever had. There was a lot of uncertainty, some frustration, some insecurity. There was also some hope for the future, some progress made. 

There are a few things that I missed about a small company. Clear communication because the team is so tight, having your coworkers be in the same time zone, and feeling like I am good at my job. What do I mean by this? I mean I’m trying to take on products and messaging that I have never worked with before. Do you want to talk about search? I’ve spent the last two years were fighting this, and I’m pretty good at it. But when it comes to other products, I can find them challenging. It’s not completely unfamiliar territory, but what is unfamiliar territory – what takes me back to the early days of imposter syndrome at work— is that other people have to correct me. Often. Sometimes, that can wear me down. Sometimes, that’s discouraging now matter how nice my coworkers are. It’s a me thing. Recognizing there will be a learning curve and I am not exempt from it, is a hard pill to swallow for this enneagram three.

I’ve also been trying to launch a side hustle, which means my 8 hour days are sometimes 12 or 13. It’s also event season, so 6 AM wake ups and 11 PM sign offs have become not shocking to me anymore — though I’m still not okay with them. 

To be completely candid, with respect to my employer, I will tell you that I did not receive a raise. I am told that in September, that could be a possibility, but that it wouldn’t be very big. Do I plan on negotiating? Yes, I do. I definitely do. I don’t plan on being a frustrated, underpaid worker for more than a month.

I’ve seen leadership dynamics at play, I’ve sat back and been silent, and I’ve tried to be more vocal, more heard, more seen.

I’ve also been incredibly grateful for walks. And even more grateful for my support system. My best friends are also my neighbors, and our weekly walks give me something to look forward to on Tuesdays and Wednesday’s. My boyfriend has brought me flowers on my longest days every week. My small group continues to meet virtually. I downloaded Libby and my ears have been flooding with wisdom from amazing authors. Sometimes, my brain needs a break. 

Thought it all: I’m positioned on purpose here. I know I have been so privileged in this season to have a job, to even have a home and a network of friends that haven’t been drastically impacted with health concerns. 

So that’s me. Some days I’m just really tired. Or stressed.

I thought I’d be honest about what this transition has looked like for me. What does this look like for you and your vocation? It’s time to destigmatize losing your job, having trouble at work, or working part time. These are all normal things that don’t have a single ounce of your worth tied to them. They are not a value judgement on you.

More on this coming soon.